Explore, explore, explore...then do what you think will make you happy

For my final blog, I would like to reflect back on my major project of this semester: exploring teacher identity.


First, I would like to ask you, the reader, to actually think of your favorite teacher. Whether this person was your kindergarten teacher, your high school teacher, or a college professor, pick one. What made them a good teacher?

Reflect.

Did you like them because of the class they taught?

Was it their personality?

Do you think that this teacher had the same identity inside the class as they did in the “real world”?

When this semester began, I was applying to Teach for America and was extremely enthusiastic about the idea of teaching. I had always sort of idolized my high school teachers and wished that I could bring the same inspiration to others in the future. My high school chemistry teacher, Mrs. Jones, was so enthusiastic about chemistry that I just couldn’t help myself from pursuing that subject in college. My favorite teacher was Mrs. Fifer. Although I hated English in high school and believed that AP English Composition didn’t help me learn how to become a better writer, when I took Mrs. Fifer’s college writing class, I felt like she cared. Unlike with Mrs. Jones’s class, I thought that the material in Mrs. Fifer’s class was boring. I hated writing. Although they present very different experiences, I would like to share what I learned from both of these teachers, and discuss their identities a little as well. Let me begin:

Despite hating English classes in high school, I loved going to Mrs. Fifer’s class. Although her jokes didn’t often work, Mrs. Fifer tried to be funny. Most of the time, she was strict. But, despite her stern personality, which clashed with my introversion, I respected her. When I got a B on a paper (something unheard of for me in high school), I went after school to ask what I did wrong. Rather than telling me a blatant, “I just thought it was a B paper,” like past teachers had told me (no joke), she asked me to sit down and discuss the paper. She asked me what grade I thought I deserved and why I thought that. Then, she gave me her own comments and asked for my response to those comments. For a one page paper, I received more feedback than I had in years. Why dedicate so much time to me? I believe she dedicated so much time because she truly cared. I think she let more of her true self into the classroom than any other teacher I had ever known. Of course, she did put on a very domineering self, what Hochschild would call a false self (where a false self is a presented identity that differs from the person’s true identity or true self. The false self appropriately deals with the demands of situation, where the true self might otherwise be taken advantage of or would conform to the goals of the situation rather than to that person’s own interests. The false self is protective).

In my opinion, unlike Mrs. Fifer, other teachers presented a different false self in the classroom: one that society expected them to have, or one that they felt protected them best. Some teachers didn’t really care. Some didn’t think that the class was worth their time, it was just a job, something that paid the electric bill. Some took the identity that society or their families told them to: don’t take it personal, they’re high schoolers, it’s not worth your time. These false selves were not enthusiastic. The people who employed these selves stayed at their jobs because they were stuck, unable to get out of the profession.

Although false selves can be ineffective for students when teachers don’t really care, even those who don’t really care can present effective false selves. For example, when I went back to see Mrs. Jones, she was disappointed to hear that I was pursuing chemistry. Although she pretended in class to be enthusiastic, her front was just to help students succeed. “What are you going to do with your degree? There’s no future in chemistry: have you thought about chemical engineering? The only thing you can do with chemistry is teach, and you definitely don’t want to be a teacher.” I was shocked to hear this. “Why did you teach me to love the subject so much if you hate it yourself?” I thought. She did it because she wanted students to succeed. Perhaps when she entered high school teaching, she thought it would be a great career. But, she didn’t end up liking the profession. However, she didn’t let that get in the way of helping her students succeed. She acted enthusiastic, made class interesting, did presentations. In my opinion, she performed a ton of emotion work (faking one’s emotions to elicit an appropriate response/effect). Some of you may be upset that Mrs. Jones wasn’t true to her students. Although I wish she would have been able to switch careers and find something she loved more, I respect her for presenting an enthusiastic false self.

The moral of my whole blog, from my perspective, is no matter what profession you choose to pursue, take all means necessary to make sure that you really love it first. Through all of high school, I thought that teachers were the most amazing people in the world. Even though my teachers didn’t love their jobs in the long run, I really respect the ways that they tried to help me through my struggles. However, do you really want to enter a profession where you don’t love what you’re doing? Mrs. Jones loved it when past students visited her and told her that she was amazing, but she didn’t really like what she actually did.

I know so many college students who want to become doctors because they know that physicians make good money. Others, like me, may have thought that teaching would be a fun career. For some students, they do everything they can short of getting the diploma to find out more about their profession. Others just read websites about the career. I still am not 100% sure what I want to do, but I have started shadowing physicians, I volunteer at a hospice, and work in a doctor’s office. Although these experiences have given me a glimpse into medicine, I still feel the need to explore it more. Therefore, I am taking a year off to explore my options more thoroughly. It’s nice to go into a profession to help others, and although you may be able to effectively “fake it” like Mrs. Jones did, you won’t feel the same satisfaction as others do. Find a job that correlates the best with who you are, and then the false selves you present will lie more congruent with your true self, and that will be healthy for all involved….or, at least that’s what I think.

I think I learned more in this class about the writing process and about myself than any other class I have taken. It was great getting to meet everyone & good luck in finding a career where you find that your true self and false self agree, rather than clash. I’m still on the journey and I hope that my words (although from one of your peers and not a wiser elder) help you in your journey as well.