Identities...some less "favorable" than others

Introvert, overachiever, student, tutor, brother, son, researcher, employee, volunteer, friend, Pollock, atheist, optimist, pessimist.

We all have a lot of identities. The list above includes just a few of mine that come to mind at the particular moment. I am more proud of some identities than others. In fact, some of the identities that I listed above, I considered deleting off of my list, but that wouldn't be a factual representation of myself and I feel like I would be cheating my blog "followers" from an opportunity to see a few of the my less explored identities. I fear that some readers may have been put off when they saw atheist on the list and they may hope that I don't explore that identity. But, considering that it's one of the identities that I personally question and explore on a daily basis, but rarely share with others, I feel that it needs some exploring, so here we go...

As a science student, I can state with a fairly high confidence level that most of the authors of the biochemistry, anatomy, physiology, and other science books I have read recently share my view on the concept of a higher power: that there isn't one. I'd be most content to believe that there is in fact a God, as my neighbors, friends, family, and classmates have tried to convince me to believe. However, I just "can't wrap my head around it," as stated by Jack Nicholson at the start of "The Bucket List." Additionally, I don't understand how so many religious people in my life can expect me to just take their word for it that what they believe is THE truth just because they and their parents say it is. Some say, "you should read the bible," but isn't the bible after all, just another book? When I offer my religious friends a book on human evolution to skim through, they automatically reject my offer, but yet they expect me to explore the theory they believe to be true. Did you U of M students see the pastors (or members of the church, I'm not sure) on the corners of campus this morning offering out their new testaments? I normally take their little booklets or kindly say "no thank you", but I question, would they be as cordial if I offered them a scientific paper which studied the concepts of the Big Bang Theory? How about if I handed out an article that discussed the fossil record and used methods like radiocarbon dating to determine the evolutionary road that has brought about the existence of the species referred to as Homo Homo Sapiens? Why does it seem to be a one way street that I, as an atheist, have a moral obligation to read the bible, but you as a Christian (not that all readers of this are Christian) don't have to, and won't even flatter the idea of, reading an article by Milford H. Wolpoff (a professor in archaeology at the University of Michigan) published in Scientific American? I'm not telling you to adopt the beliefs that I have. And, honestly, if you already believe in a higher power, the likelihood that one of these articles is going to change your mind is pretty slim, probably about as slim as the chance that you're going to change my mind. But, at least if you read it, I'll be more willing to read the articles or testaments or psalms you propose for me to look over.

On another note, what do these identities mean for me in my professional life and endeavors. Being atheistic may not go on my medical school application, but does that mean that lacking religious beliefs won't affect me in my medical studies. How about the human side of medicine? What if I have to diagnose a patient with cancer? I've already encountered the problem in a Hospice setting of not being able to recite the phrase "Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses..." while sitting next to the nurse who brought hope to her patient that there is a life after death. In a way, I felt inadequate, unable to provide that type of comfort to her. If I knew the prayer, would it be awful for me to recite that prayer or tell a dying patient that I believe in God and that will be passing to a better place, even though I truly don't believe it? What is morally right?

OK, I'll get off the religion sidetrack. Other identities to consider for studying medicine, or even just applying to a medical school, are many. Being an introvert isn't normally regarded as a positive in interviews, but that's an identity that isn't normally writted on applications; hopefully by the time I'm offered an interview I will have taken that particularly identity to the gallows. Among the positives are student, tutor, overachiever, employee, and researcher. But, are these really all that positive? Do they meet up to the medical school standards? How can I, someone who studied to get A's in every class, was a tutor, worked in a lab, volunteered a little, and spent the rest of the free time relaxing or hanging out with friends compare to the applicant who volunteered in 10 different health care situations, was president of their fraternity/sorority, and was active in numerous organizations while still maintaining a reasonable GPA? Of course, from the application the admissions committee may think that the other student may have better leadership skills; but, does that mean that I with less on-campus involvement and less volunteering wouldn't be a good doctor? Just because I spent less time volunteering, does that mean that I should be a scientist who works with tissue cultures instead of a physician who probes the human mind and body to make a diagnosis and go forth with a treatment? Does less on campus involvement really mean that I should avoid the medical field? It seems to me that at least some in the field say yes, or at least say, "build your resume and come back in a few years." Perhaps instead of measuring the quality of the experiences, more emphasis should be on the quality. Instead of expecting a list of 10 different places I volunteered at, maybe it would be better to give you the phone number of, or a letter of recommendation from, the volunteer coordinator who watched me offer a comforting presence and a warm (although unfortunately sweaty) hand to a ninety year old woman as she gasped for her last breaths of air. After all, I know plenty of people who volunteer at the local hospital and don't do anything but stock carts and read their favorite novel while watching as patients go on uncared for.

In the end, we all have numerous identities and chose which ones we want to display in different situations. In some situations it is difficult to present the identities that we feel define us the most just because of the ridicule and negativity we anticipate.

To be honest, I'm kind of tired (so please excuse me if I rambled or had discontinuous thoughts)and I feel that this entry is getting a little too long, so I'm going to stop here. Goodnight bloggers!